


New

by ProxyOne



Category: Adam (2009), Jagten | The Hunt (2012)
Genre: Diary/Journal, EatTheRare, Fluff, Hannibal Creative, M/M, lucas pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 03:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8040553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProxyOne/pseuds/ProxyOne
Summary: Lucas has moved to America to escape the never-ending suspicion he found himself under in Denmark.  These are the journal excerpts of his first few months.





	New

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure what this is, but have some Lucas/Adam anyway :D ♥

_Week One_

Here I am, in America. It is very different here. Even though there is no need now, I am continuing this journal in English. It seems appropriate.

Moving here was a hard decision, but the right one. Things have become intolerable at home. And it is home to me, no matter how unwanted I am there, despite my innocence. The people I love, the ones who still love me, they are there. And I hope they will come to visit me here, to help make this place feel a little more like home as well.

I miss Marcus. More than anything, or anyone, it is him that I miss. The last few years have been so hard on him though, and I hope by being out of the country he can enjoy his time at university without any trouble. He is too young to have to spend so much of his life defending his father, regardless of my lack of guilt.

Today is my first full day here that isn't taken up with filling out forms, or finding necessities, or unpacking boxes. I am at a loss as to what to do. Perhaps I will take a look around my new neighbourhood.

**

_Week Two_

My jet lag has passed, finally. I spoke to Marcus last night – he's very excited to come out and visit. He says there's an observatory near here that he would like to see. Perhaps I'll go and look at it so I can tell him what it is like. He is very enthusiastic about it. He says since he has been learning more about astronomy, he has been appreciating it more and more. I would like to learn a little myself, since his enthusiasm is so infectious.

**

_Week Three_

I went to the observatory for Marcus, like I said I would. I met a man there. He's a little unusual, but he was very friendly. He's the first person I've met here who didn't ask me to repeat every other sentence. He asked if I would come back to visit again next weekend. I think I will.

He is intriguing physically, I must admit. After Kirsten and Nadja I had thought I wouldn't be able to look at another person in that way. I certainly didn't expect to look at a man in that fashion. I'm sure it means nothing, though. He's just interesting, like an old painting. His name is Adam. Adam Raki.

**

_Week Four_

Work was uneventful, as expected. I did spend some of the week speaking to a woman, Samantha. She is pleasant. She asked me out for lunch, but I had to decline since she wanted to go at the time I wanted to go back to the observatory.

I arrived there a little earlier than I did last week. Adam seemed surprised to see me, but explained it was because he hadn't expected me to actually come back. I must admit to feeling a little awkward then. Maybe he invites every new visitor he meets to return? Regardless, he still seemed happy enough to show me a few new things. He really is a very charming man, in his own way. It's a nice change to see someone genuinely interested in what they are doing.

We arranged for me to come back for another visit next weekend, and this time he knows that I will definitely be there. I wonder if he would like to go somewhere for lunch.

**

_Week Five_

I saw Adam again. He invited me to his apartment so he could show me his space room. I've never seen anything like it. He is a remarkable person, he really is. He intrigues me in ways that no one has before. I told him about Marcus, and about how he had been the one to suggest I go to the observatory. He was very interested, and would like to meet someone who has the same interest in astronomy as he does. We had mac and cheese for dinner, which was unexpected. He explained about his Aspergers, which makes a lot of things make sense. I've only ever had experience with Aspergers in children, so I've got a bit to learn. He is happy to help, though.

We've decided to meet for lunch on a regular basis – Tuesdays and Thursdays, since those are the days we are both free at the same time. I really like him. I'm glad I've made a friend here.

Samantha has asked again about going out some time, but I find it very hard to commit to a date. Is it a date she is wanting? It seems that way.

**

_Week Six_

I had a dream about Adam last night. It was not like any dream I've had before. We were having a picnic, in a field filled with colourful flowers. Even though the day was bright, the stars were visible in the sky. Adam was watching them, then caught two of them and put them in my eyes. They made everything so much clearer, like I was putting my glasses on. He kissed each eye and smiled.

I don't know what it means.

Maybe I'll suggest we have a picnic for lunch on Thursday. The weather is still pleasant, and it would be nice to try.

**

_Week Seven_

The picnic worked out well. I think we'll try that more often. Adam really does look stunning in the sunlight. It catches his eyes, like they really do have stars in them. I told him that, and he explained why that was impossible. I find it very difficult to stop smiling when he's around. He surprised me when we left by calling out _farvel,_ and telling my he's learning Danish so that I don't always have to be the one speaking a different language. I didn't really know how to react to that, except to say _tak._ Sometimes I feel like I must be getting creepy, with the way he makes me smile so much, but he only every smiles in return. His smile is sweet, and I like to see it.

I would like to invite him here, one day. I've bought some of his mac and cheese to keep in the freezer, just in case.

**

_Week Eight_

I knew it couldn't last forever. He asked what I did back in Denmark, and why I came here. I could have talked around it, but it would have felt too close to lying, and I know I can't lie to Adam. So I told him. I've never sat down and talked about it like that before, and I must admit I didn't enjoy it at all. He was understanding, but I can feel it tainting everything. Will I never be able to escape this?

I don't know if he will want to see me again. Even though I'm innocent of all the things they accused me of, it has ruined everything in my life. I don't think I'll be able to keep this one good thing.

**

_Week Ten_

I didn't write last week. I had nothing to say. I called Adam to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it for lunch. He sounded disappointed, but didn't argue. It's for the best, really. I haven't seen him in two weeks now. It hurts more than it should.

**

_Week Eleven_

Adam called me on Monday and asked if we were having lunch on Tuesday. I almost cried, which made me realise how much I have missed him. Of course I said yes, and apologised for keeping my distance. At lunch on Tuesday he said that he's learned that people behave the way I did as a defense mechanism, and that he was my friend and wasn't going anywhere. That he believes me.

I don't have words in English or Danish to express what that meant to me.

We spent the rest of that lunch practising Danish. He's been working very hard, and has come a long way in just the short time I have known him. I'm impressed that he would do this, just to make me more comfortable. It's a rare thing. I'm going to invite him to dinner this weekend.

**

_Week Twelve_

I'm writing this entry a bit late. Adam came to dinner tonight, and we had his mac and cheese. I seem to be acquiring more of a taste for it than I had thought I would. It was a good evening. I could get used to seeing him here more often. His curls are so beautiful, the way they frame his face, and sometimes it is hard for me to refrain from brushing them behind his ears. I really am put in mind of renaissance paintings every time I see him.

He asked more questions about that time, too. In the end I gave him the journal I had kept in the months immediately afterwards. I had written it in English so that Nadja could read it more easily as well, which now I am grateful for. It is a lot easier on me to have him read it when I'm not there to see it. He's taken it home with him, and will return it next week.

**

_Week Thirteen_

Adam read the entire journal, and when we met for lunch he immediately gave me a hug. It only occurred to me then that we've never really touched each other before. It was a tight hug, one that I was loathe to let go of. Even now I can feel his arms wrapped around me. It is futile to pretend any longer that my feelings about him remain strictly friendly. Even looking back at some of the things I have written about him here, as sparse as my entries are, shows what I could not see for myself.

Samantha has stopped asking me out, and I've realised that it's because I talk about Adam so much. She must have noticed long before I did. Sometimes I feel like quite a fool. It must have seemed so obvious to her, while I was completely oblivious to it.

I've never had these sorts of conflicting emotions before, but so much else has changed in my life. Why not this, too? I have no idea if I'm the only one feeling this. He is so hard to read. I'm sure if I just ask him, he'll tell me. It won't make things awkward on his part, I'm sure, and telling him about what happened at home has left me sure that there is very little I can't share with him.

Maybe, if I get brave enough, I can tell him the next time we have dinner. Or maybe I should keep it to myself a bit longer. Feeling this uncertain is a strange thing, for me.

He will be coming for dinner on Sunday night again. I have a feeling this new time together will be incorporated into his routine, much as our lunches have been. I cannot wait.

**

_Week Fourteen_

What should have been an unmitigated disaster has turned into one of the best nights of my entire life. Though I should start at the beginning. This entry will be much more detailed than they usually are, because I don't want to forget any of it.

Adam turned up for dinner tonight, as we had planned. He is always so punctual, which makes it very easy for me to plan. I shouldn't have been so wound up about which clothes to wear, but I was, and so when he turned up I was still only half dressed. In my panic (and I don't know why I was panicking – does the realisation of feelings make everyone lose their minds?) I ran to the door and flung it open, only to find him staring at me in my shirtless state. I was so embarrassed I immediately turned red, though Adam didn't seem to notice. “You have a lot of hair on your chest” was all he said, before he came inside and I was left standing at the door staring out into the hallway, entirely flustered. All I could do was apologise as I followed him into my own apartment.

I got properly dressed then, putting on the shirt that has small stars on it. I know now that I bought it because it reminded me of Adam, though I was consciously aware of that at the time. I apologised for opening the door to him like that, and he smiled. It was such a bright smile. I think I could look at that smile forever.

We made dinner then, the same as usual. Things were normal, and we talked a lot, about a lot of things. Then Adam said “jeg kan godt lide dig”, and I nearly dropped my food. Which of course he took as me being displeased, because I didn't smile or behave like I was happy in any way, which I very much was. I think he got a bit upset then, because he clammed up, so I touched his shoulder and he flinched, but then he looked at me and I just _knew_. I had to try something, so I touched his face. He didn't startle that time. If anything, it was like touching a kitten's face, the way their eyes close and they turn their heads into the touch. Of course then he had to open his eyes and be all matter of fact, which is something I think I'm growing to love.

“Are you going to kiss me?” he asked. I was a bit surprised, I have to admit, but it's something that I've been wanting to do for a very long time, even if I didn't know it. And so I did. His lips are very soft, and warm, and he tastes so sweet.

_I don't see how I would have tasted sweet, Lucas. We'd just had dinner and there's very little that is sweet about dinner. Nor do I see how I resemble a kitten._

**

_Week Twenty_

This journal has not had much use, of late. Most of my thoughts can now be, and are, shared with Adam.

_Jeg elsker dig, Lucas._

Jeg elsker dig, Adam.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Farvel: Goodbye  
> Tak: Thank you  
> Jeg kan godt lide dig: I like you  
> Jeg elsker dig: I love you


End file.
